The case for hoarding

As a general rule, I feel compelled to have actual content before bothering anyone with my random thoughts.  But it’s Wednesday.  And here in la-la-land, that’s You Can Do It! day, so indulge me.  Or wait for Thursday, when I get back to real writing.  Because right now, we’re boarding the bus for “Things Laura Gets Excited About And Then Realizes She Doesn’t Have The Right Curtains For.” 

So, I was reading another blog this morning and I came across this:

Tie Dress

And I thought, Oh my God, that is so kind of…HOT…and it’s just like those curtains my mother-in-law made me for the office, like, 10 years ago.  Except those are not hot, but MAN, what a great post this would make!  And then I saw this:

Tie wreath

And THIS:

Tie clock

And I thought, OK, now seriously, I totally HAVE to do the tie post.  So I go running downstairs with my camera and the cutest belt I can find because at this point, I am completely committed to modeling the latest in tie-curtain-dress fashion, and it turns out that at some point during the last move, I THREW THEM AWAY.

This is something I do often.  Throw things away. I hate clutter and having arbitrary things l don’t really need.  So every couple of months, I’ll pick a closet or drawer and just start chucking stuff.  My husband – the one who still has his ceramic baby booties (don’t get me started), a moderately inappropriate scrapbook made for him by his high school girlfriend, and shreds of a once-thought-to-be-cool University of Colorado t-shirt with a middle finger on it — hates this behavior.  But I have kids with a crap-ton of stuff and therefore I absolutely loathe having other at-the-time seemingly useless stuff shoved in random places around my house.  

I will admit that my predisposition towards roomy drawers does sometimes come back to bite me in butt.  Like when I can’t find a single white button-up shirt to wear with jeans because I’ve thrown them all away due to possibly-imaginary-but-really-probably-there yellow stains under the arms.  Or when I want to craft a tie-curtain-dress masterpiece. 

So maybe the hoarder is right.  Maybe I should save more.  That way, when maxi-pad minis and coupon-covered lamp shades come into vogue, I’ll be totally ready.

24 Responses

  1. Conputers were invented simply To let hoarders stay in the closet. Like I really need that picture I took of my television back in 1998, or the scan I made of the cover page of my house closing documents from 1988. But it just feels wrong to hit delete.

    • Yes, it’s a shame I can’t seem to apply the same seek-and-toss method to my inbox or documents folder. Maybe someday….

  2. Apparently I missed the great maxi-pad mini fad of…was that 1987? 1999? Coupon covered lamp-shades though, those NEVER go out of style.

    And I do this to. But I hold onto the things long enough that I will forget – several times – that I don’t have them any more.

    Somewhere along the line I ran out of room for new information, like the fact that i threw away the pink fuzzy legwarmers and lavender eyeliner. In my head everything stays the same.

    Hence the teenagers still wearing onesies.

    • I’m forever looking for things that I remember hours or days into the search that I have long since gotten rid of. And you laugh about teenagers wearing onsies, but if you think it, they will wear it, my friend. Witness the romper for ‘grown ups.’ They try to back track and call it a swimsuit, but trust me, in the catalogue it’s an outfit all the way.

  3. I have to admit I’M a secret hoarder.I try hard to get rid of things but right now due to a White Chair I found at Good Will.I now have to an inappropriate number of chairs in my tiny dining room.
    Tomorrow I put the white slipcover on the sofa put the red slip cover away and wonder if I will ever use the green slip cover under my bed.
    I due love my slip covers

    • Martie — You crack me up. I wish you were awake…I want to talk to you!

  4. that dress is cute as all get out. and I have a bag of my grandpa’s ties! I actually tried to start making a skirt out of them and quit when i realized i have no idea what i am doing!

    • Melissa — Isn’t it though? The woman that makes them on Etsy has a whole line, complete with full-length numbers. They are astonishing. You need to revisit that skirt idea. Seriously.

  5. I think “crap-ton” needs to be added to Merriam-Webster. :)

    • I honestly can’t believe it hasn’t already been submitted to the review committee ;)

      • i use the word crap-ton ALL the time!

  6. Laura, I’m also married to a man who can’t throw anything away. I’m the type of person who just waits for him to go to work and then trashes it. When he asks where it is later, I say I don’t know what he’s talking about.

    All the same my dining room table is the landing zone for all things paper and try as I might to go through it each day and throw away the junk and organize the keepers, it stays a mess. If we had a filing cabinet, I’m sure I’d file things away like a maniac like I do on my computer. And yes, my need to throw away pointless crap extends to my laptop.

    I’m sort of a big fan of the ties as mini-skirt idea, but I think I could have only pulled it off in college. Since I just turned my 28th birthday this year, I feel like I’ve suddenly entered an era where people look at me in dressing rooms and think, “That’s inappropriate.”

    • Your throw-it-away-and-then-act-like-you-have-no-idea-what-they’re-talking-about approach is really the only way to go. I have employed this technique on a small scale many times, but as I look at the guest room closet literally packed with clothes he hasn’t worn in five years or more, I’m thinking we’re about to go big time ugly with that approach.

      And for the record, 28 is still young enough for everything except half shirts, which you were never silly enough to have considered sexy anyway. Wear what you want NOW. 35 is the real age when people are wondering ‘What the hell is she thinking?’

  7. These are the times when it would be convenient to have the spouse live in a separate abode! Then you could just go visit his hoarding arse and scavenge through his collection for anything you need, all the while keeping your place perfectly neat!

    • JB — I think it was Katherine Hepburn that said, “Men and women should live close and visit often.” The longer I’m married, the more I think this is a lovely plan that might just lower the divorce rate ;)

  8. That dress is adorable in an I’ve got to have it kind of way! Alas, I’m pretty sure that I would never be able to rock it like the girl that is wearing it….damn you time and age.

    My husband mentioned to me fairly recently that my need to purge just extends to his stuff:). I am pretty sure I can find some ties that I wore as belts in the 90′s in the attic somewhere!

    • Patrice — You would KILL in this dress, girl. I am not even kidding…I’m visualizing you in it as we speak. As I mentioned above, there’s a whole damn line of them, each cuter and cooler than the last. Surely there’s a wedding or something you could get this for. Oh, oh….how great would this be for some kind of office party? Very corporate-hot-secretary, right?

  9. I just want to say that what I really like about you people is the fact that even when I post something relatively inane and bordering on totally silly, you still come with the love. And I truly appreciate that. I wish I could send you all a big box of chocolates.

  10. Laura, I am seriously delighted to read your random thoughts anytime. You can definitely rock the random posts – they all end up being entertaining : ) In my dorky mind, I keep thinking how funny it would be to turn all Jason’s ties into one of those wreaths and see how long it would take him to notice where they all are! Oh, I have WAY too much time on my hands…

    • Ashley — I will send you a $50 gift card to Michael’s if you do it and post pictures…because that would be some serious funny, lol.

  11. That tie dress does look awesome. I clean stuff out all the time, too, but that does make a good argument to start saving things. I’m going to start doing that.

    I give myself 2 weeks before I go back to throwing stuff away.

    • Oh, I doubt seriously I could even make it two weeks. Good luck and let me know how that goes for ya :)

  12. one of my very good friends in college went on a tie shopping spree at goodwill and made a tie skirt. It was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen…

    until now :) <3

    • Seriously — it’s hot, right? People never cease to amaze me with their creativity…

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