Server error

I am a procrastinor of epic magnitude.  When I am overwhelmed — and as a wife, mother, sister, daughter and marketing professional who works full time from my home, I often am — I am prone to either A) flit about in a flurry of meaningless activity, or B) lapse into a state of full-body paralysis.  It’s not that I don’t get things done.  I do.  I just like to wait until I’ve worked myself up into a healthy froth of total anxiety before commencing with meaningful task execution. 

My therapist (although I suppose I really should call her my ex-therapist since I only met with her biweekly for two months before winter hit the NC mountains like a really pissed off woman scorned, and I used the ice as a reasonable excuse to commence hibernation) told me this is result of a lack of “me time.”  While her explanation is no doubt valid, I prefer to function in a semi-consistent state of self-inflicted delusion.  Not about everything.  Just certain things…like why I procrastinate.  I tell myself that I work best under pressure.  Adrenaline, brought on by the aforementioned frothy anxiety, makes me brilliant.  Some of the best executive speeches I have ever written were composed at 3:30 AM a full 12-48 hours after the proposed deadline. 

But today, I really need to get moving.  My sister, her husband and my 3-week new nephew will be arriving on my doorstep in approximately five hours.  I have nine loads of laundry sorted and strategically placed by category on my family room floor.  The house is a mess.  I have no fewer than four overdue work assigments.  The oldest child has an early release day from school (t-minus 23 minutes until he descends up on me).  And my vacuum was fatally injured in a run-in with my puppy, who could think of nothing more entertaining to do on Tuesday than chew the cord to a fine shred and spread it artfully across my bedroom rug.

Seriously, I have a lot to do.  I’d prefer to be flitting about in meaningless activity, mostly because virtually no activity — from emptying the coffee pot to wandering about folding the toilet paper tails into cute triangles — would be truly meaningless today.  I doubt seriously I could find a way to flit that wouldn’t ultimately contribute to my end OCD goals of having the house immaculately clean, the laundry done and put away, dinner premade and in the fridge, and two conference calls checked off the list before my sister arrives.

Unfortunately, I have choosen paralysis.  The universe is making an attempt to assist.  The server on my work laptop has been down all morning, making it virtually impossible for me to get anything done in terms of the job I am actually paid to do.  A golden opportunity.  And yet, here I sit, listening for the washer to complete its cycle.  Writing.   Knowing that with each passing minute, I will have to compromise something on the list of things I want to get done today.  And coming to the very-not-new conclusion that this procrastination thing has gotten entirely Out Of Hand. 

I absolutely must address this issue.  Catch the plane off Fantasy Island, conduct some productive soul searching, stroll down to the root of the problem and identify a workable solution.  I am.  I will.  Right after I sort my hot roller clips by size and color.  I think I feel a flit coming on….

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5 Responses

  1. I hear ya sista!

  2. You have just written a brief synopsis of my life for the past month. I truly think this is what happens when you have kids. See because before kids, you did what you wanted after work…but after kids you do what they want you to do after work. And suddenly, you have no “me time” and you develop a huge problem with procrastination.

    Seriously. I’m feeling your pain here…as I read and comment on your blog when I haven’t unpacked from our trip, Luke sleeps in the swing, the laundry remains undone, I eat this take out pizza instead of a healthy meal prepared in my own kitchen….

    • I have found motherhood to be a constant exercise in not being too hard on oneself. It’s actually nice to hear another mother bemoan the unpacked suitcase. I have often looked at those unpacked suitcases on the floor of my bedroom and wondered why I resist unpacking, sometimes for weeks at a time. As it turns out, it’s because time — especially finding just a few minutes to do what YOU want to do — becomes both scarce and precious. Welcome to the club. The benefits are outstanding, but the requirements are steep.

  3. I’m having one of those days, too much work, too little sleep, apathy and anxiety, with a dose of that paralysis your are talking about up there. And I gotta say reading your post made me feel at least 80% better. 🙂 You rock Laura.

    • Hi, Sydney! I’m glad reading about my perpetual war with procrastination made you smile. It’s kind of nice to know there’s someone out there who can relate, lol. I stopped by your Web site yesterday (love the pictures). Reading your anniversary post brought back a lot of good memories of my own wedding. Keep putthing that stuff out there! I can’t wait to read about your new addition. Having a boy is pretty fantastic, just wait :). Congratulations to you and your husband…

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