Mothers are notorious for telling their children they can be — or do — anything they want in life. This is not, as I suspect some teenagers may believe, an attempt to blow sunshine up the dark orifices of an entire generation. Rather, it is a mother’s keen understanding of the true possibility and potential of her offspring. It’s our little way of saying, “Hey kid, make good choices and stay out of your own way, and you’ll go far in life.” We’re trying to inspire confidence, for God’s sake. You’re WELCOME.
(Also, we happen to truly believe that you are fantastic. Gratitude can be expressed in your choice of especially thoughtful Mother’s Day gifts or by successfully completing adolescence without the need to be bailed out of anywhere. Take your pick.)
While most of us fall into the category of “could have climbed a little higher on the life ladder if we’d only had a tad more nerve and the discipline to forego 10-20 fewer Saturday night keggers,” there are some people who come into this world as a force of nature. There’s no doubt these little suckers are going somewhere…it’s just a semi-frightening matter of whether they choose to use their powers for good or evil.
Case in point:
Independent third-party predictions for the manner in which Addison will bring the global masses to their collective knees have included President of the United States and cult leader. These assessments were levied by people I consider to be fairly informed and reliable sources: her preschool teacher and one of the Hub’s coworkers who is a confirmed hater of small people who are clearly immature and germ-infested.
Suffice it to say, it was the former who predicted Addison will someday bust up on Barack in Chicago and snip, “Yeah, you were first. In your own little way. But the girls are in the house now, baby, and I am so gonna kick your legacy’s candy ass.” As the only rooster on his own little chick farm, it’s my bet that he’ll find this at least mildly amusing.
Addison herself, is still in deliberation. She announced this morning that she would like to be taken to Hollywood…the sooner the better. I’d like to say that she added something especially funny like, “because I’m a superstar,” but the manner in which this request was delivered clearly denoted that part was implied. While I”m sure I’d make a smokin’ hot stage mom, my response was to suggest that she wait a few years. Like until she’s 18 and waited enough tables to come up with her first month’s rent. Because I’m not footing the bill for super-stardom until she demonstrates a little initiative. Or at least a willingness to perform “Henry Pickle” on cue for family and friends in a manner that truly befits her level of talent and stage presence. I think it’s important to be practical about these sort of things.
Anyway, given my general lack of cooperativeness, she has currently decided to settle for an as-yet-unplanned trip to Disney World, where she can get her princess on. Royalty, I suppose, will have to suffice until she can round up the cash for bus fare to the Big Time.
For my part, I’m glad to have a few more years to see how my tiny tornado takes on the world while still having the safety of our little family to retreat to after a tough day of directing teachers and classmates presumably less qualified for greatness. I hope she finds a way to keep all her confidence and moxy intact to adulthood. If she does, the world had better watch out. The Force is strong with this one…