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Annual Performance Review (aka Mother’s Day)

I have to be honest, given the comments I received during last year’s performance review, I approached Mother’s Day 2010 with trepidation.  I mean, “I love you even when you yell at me” (Griffin, 2009) is not exactly a glowing assessment.  Even if it is just a slightly modified version of the assurance I regularly deliver when they’ve pushed the button clearly marked, ‘Mommy Harpie: Activate at Your Own Risk.” 

You see, when I applied for this job, I was under the impression that once annually the little people I carried, birthed and have subsequently bathed, fed, clothed and loved, would overlook my occasional fall from maternal grace and throw me a bone.  Preferably one wrapped in colorful tissue paper with a tag reading, “To the best Mommy EVER.”  Not so.  Kids give it to you straight every time, my friend.  So if you’re looking for a stellar review, it’s best to let them have ring pops before dinner, at least in the week preceding your evaluation. 

So anyway, the 2010 ratings came in yesterday, and let me tell you, I am still wiping the stick of ring pop from my cheek and heaving a sigh of relief.  Turns out, with commitment, dedication and patience rivaling that of Mother Teresa, it IS possible to achieve the rank of ‘Top Performer.’  Witness the evidence: 

Griffin's Mother's Day Card, 2010

Exhibit A (From Griffin): I do read a lot, but I'm guessing he was running out of fine attributes to list here.

Griffin's Mother's Day Letter 2010

Exhibit B (From Griffin): In case you can't read it, it says Marvelous, Outstanding, Terrific, Halarias, Extra Ordinary at writing, Respectful Mother. In the whole wide world. I wonder, did he mean extraordinary or extra ordinary?


Mother's Day flowers from Addison

Exhibit C (From Addison): Step off, Martha Stewart. The four-year-old made these with her own "one hand." From pipe cleaners and construction paper. Boo-yah.


Addison's Mother's Day Card 2010

Exhibit D (From Addison): The fingerprints poem gets me every time.

And finally… 

Addison's Mother's Day Letter 2010

Exhibit E (From Addison): Is there any more to know, really?

All jokes aside, I had a lovely Mother’s Day replete with kisses, hugs and a veritable plethora of kind words uttered lovingly on my behalf.  The husband (bless him) even offered up a mani-pedi-massage combo complete with his own assessment.  I believe his exact words during the dinner toast were, “I am grateful to have such a..blah, blah…wonderful family…blah, blah, and beautiful wife who is such an excellent mother to my children.”   It just doesn’t get much better than that, does it? 

So tell me, please, how was your Mother’s Day?  I hope it was as divine as mine.  If not, don’t dismay.  Those people usually come around in 4-8 years.  And when they finally do, it’s worth the wait.


11 Responses

  1. I got one of those fill-in-the-blank “About My Mom” things this year, and was horrified to find out I was 59.

    • Seriously — who develops those forms? The only thing missing is, “My Mom weighs ________,” and “My Mom looks ___________ in a bikini.” Talk about setting a kid up for failure 🙂

  2. LFMAO “My Moom looks __________ in a bikini.” ah ha ha ha.

    Luke honored me with 24 complete hours of “wakey wakey time.” Love you Luke!

    Daddy made up for it with a ritzy gym membership and a bluetooth headseat so I can take multitasking to the max!

    He also did the late night feedings all night last night so I could get some sleep. Gold star.

    • ‘Gold star,’ indeed 🙂

  3. KludgyMom was apparently 80 years old and weighed 70 pounds. I think you have her beat with the 400 inches tall thing.

    And those are adorable and beautiful and now I want to go break into my son’s room and find his keepsake box and read all those early grade poems…I loved those.

    And pipe cleaner art. Is there anything more special than pipe cleaner art? *sigh*

    So glad you had a lovely Mother’s Day, amazing lady!

    • Oh, I am smoking her with my vertical impressiveness. Finished my application for “Almost middle aged, Mrs. Freakishly Tall America” last night. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I think I’ve got a good shot at that tiara this year.

      Have fun in that keepsake chest. My most recent rifling produced both laughs and tears. It was a most excellent trip down memory lane…

  4. What a great post! I’m cracking up at the “extra ordinary” thing. Don’t worry about being “42.” My daughter was asking this weekend if I’m going to die soon because I’m so old. 🙂

    • Summer — Thanks so much! It’s nice to have external validation that other parents are aging at an equally rapid rate. I love your blog, by the way…which is why I’ve given it a little award. Excellent writers — especially of the Mommy variety — need more snaps from the parent posse 😉

      • P.S. It’s no ‘Freshly Pressed,’ but hey, I haven’t got that much influence…yet.

  5. This is hilarious! I love it! My brother-in-law did a similar “fill-in-the-blanks” that said:
    “Mommies are for [vacuuming] and daddies are for [spanking]. Pretty sure they considered calling child services – glad yours were tamer! 🙂

    Your blog is great!

    • That is straight-up PRICELESS! Kids never fail to entertain, do they? Thanks for stopping in to take a look at my blog! Come by anytime 🙂

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